"Fisticuffs!"

Sadly we have been having some "very crazy tickle parties" here in Room 243. These include actual tickling (in rape form, psychically as well as physically. And no, yelling "surprise!" does not imply consent), but we have also experienced many barbarous full-body brawls (alliteration rules). These incidents resulted in at least one bed and several drawers being broken, as well as a crack in one of our concrete walls.

We're dealing with it.

We also recently discovered the most disturbing news.

Heck is the most offensive word.

It is a mixture between "hell" and "f***" (the *'s here stand for "uck" as in "Uck, is that the fridge that smells!?!" or "Uck! Niall take a freakin shower!" We decided though that it would be better to replace this exclamation with *'s to remain classy.)

So, next time your ultra-conservative senior pastor says "heck" in a sermon (and they all do), you should walk out in the middle of church and yell, "I am THOROUGHLY offended by the LANGUAGE in this church!"

Ok, now saran wrap.

In response to the physical confrontations we have yet again been dealing with, there was an elevation in the stakes and means of the brawl. While many refer to it as the Cellophane Adventure, other names include The Saran Wrap Incident; The Night of Clear, Thin, and Stretchy Aggression; The Shrink Wrap Epidemic of 1876 (we're still in the process of updating our calendar); All's-Fair-In-Plastic-And War; and The "Heck" Night (we apologize for the language, though this was a direct quote and was unavoidable in the unfortunate task of reporting clear and accurate news).

Magic cards.

What do we say about Magic cards?

When asking Niall about this topic, he just narrows his eyes into little slits and growls, muttering, "You never understood and you never will at this rate."

It's an addiction that we're working on. An intervention may be necessary.

Also Niall is addicted to GH3. If you have any donations or fruit baskets please send them to:

Love, 243

SAF HOF

Alpha Dorm

Any help is greatly appreciated during this time of need.

On a more somber note, the residents of Room 243 wish to make a gentle plea for the safe return of their beloved 6th roommate. We want those involved in the taking of her to know that we are willing to perform any adaptation of Swan Lake (whether on ice or with fruits) in order to secure the safe return of our sweet, sweet Ellen. We also would like Ellen to know that we care about you and we're coming. Hang in there. Till we see you again we will quietly hum ourselves to sleep. "Reunited and it feels so good!"

If anyone has any information on her whereabouts or the phone number of a bounty hunter we can hire, please contact us immediately.

Love, 243

P.S. Vote Jackson/Coya Connect 2009-2010!